No Love for Natural Hair: It's Not Him, It's You!

I read an article awhile ago about a woman who was upset because whenever she went out with her friends who had relaxed hair, they seemingly received more male attention than she did. My take on this story: we need  to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

Deciding to go natural is easy, and many will argue that transitioning/big chopping can be just as easy. However, for some people, what's not so easy is dealing with the aftermath. After stalking tons of natural hair bloggers and vloggers and feeling your new growth 4 months-post relaxer, you just knew that you'd fall in love with the "new you," but truth be told, that doesn't always immediately happen. Sometimes you become accustomed to seeing yourself a certain way that even something that is supposed to be a fresh, revitalizing change makes you question yourself even more. Did you use your relaxed hair as a crutch? Let's face it, your hair probably doesn't "swang" like it did when you had a relaxer, and you no longer have that "Aaliyah swoop" that you used to hide behind.

It's not uncommon to unconsciously change the way you present yourself to others once you go natural. When you drastically alter an aspect of your appearance, you may not walk as tall, smile as big, or look people in the eye. So are you really surprised that men have "suddenly" stopped demonstrating interest in you? Yet, you blame your hair. You blame men. You blame everything but how you present yourself and approach situations. Natural hair or not, no one is attracted to a lack of confidence.

There will always be people who just "don't like natural hair." That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You cannot rely on other people's validation of your beauty. I understand that this is not the easiest thing to do. We all love receiving compliments, especially during times when we're not feeling our best. However, you have to love yourself and have enough confidence in yourself to the point where if you were to leave the house looking and feeling like a million bucks, yet you didn't receive ANY compliments, you would still feel like the queen that you are. Don't make it someone else's job to tell you how beautiful, smart, or creative you are because you might never hear it. Stop yearning for the attention and acceptance of people, especially men, who don't even matter.

Focus on developing a positive sense of self-- very few things can break down a woman who wholeheartedly loves and believes in herself. Give yourself time to adjust to your natural hair, but don't dwell or over-think your situation. Surround yourself with images of women with natural hair (social media makes this incredibly easy), eat well, exercise, spend time with people/doing things that bring you joy, look in the mirror and learn to like love what you see. When you feed your mind, body, and soul well, everything else falls into place-- even your dating life!

I honestly think that men who claim they don't like natural hair are afraid (or too stubborn) to admit their attraction to something that has been deemed worthless and ugly for so long. Seriously-- a gorgeous woman is gorgeous regardless of whether her hair is natural or not-- you can't deny beauty!

How do you feel about this issue? 
Let me know in a comment below.

* photos courtesy of google + tumblr.


  1. You are so right! I recently went in to have my locs started.
    After being natural for 2 1/2 years, my hair strinked up so badly and I took them out two weeks later because I missed the growth of my natural hair. Plus, I was not getting as much attention as I would if I were wearing a twisted updo.

  2. Yes, yes, and yes. It's all about the confidence. I also believe you attract what you put out. If you're already thinking you look "ugly" and "like a boy" then that's going to show.

    And I agree you can't be worried about who's getting attention and who's not. Focus on being the best you and having healthy hair. Everyone isn't going to like the new you. Their loss.

    As a woman, I can understand wanting to feel attractive and worthy. And, truth be told, there are and will always be men and women who don't think your natural hair is up to par. There's nothing you can do to change that. Just realize it's their hangup, not yours.

  3. Thank you for commenting, ladies. @ nappy headed black girl, I couldn't agree more!